Mittwoch, November 29, 2006

My own worst enemy.

Why is it so hard for me to stay focussed right now!? I need it so badly, I have so much going on right now within the next 4 weeks.

  • Selling my furniture
  • packing things up
  • preparing our event at work which is in 2,5 weeks and I haven't really started
  • finding a place where I can temporarily store my boxes
  • selling the piano
  • getting everything done at work so that I an go on vacation before Christmas
  • Studying my 7 (!) coursebooks which I am behind.
But I m so tired, that's why I can't focus and because I can't focus because my mind doesn't rest, I am restless.

And I am mad at myself because I can't focus, because I go to bed late because I allow myself be distracted from the things I need to do because I come home late from work and I want to have some time for myself. And because of that I made some rules and I am going to become my own worst enemy.

I just realized that I am selfish. Selfish with myself.. Hm..

Yawn.

Mittwoch, November 22, 2006

dreams are my reality..

Last night was the 2nd night that I dreamed of this one guy.. I am not a morning person but after these dreams I was making more jokes in the morning and having a little 'secret' smile on my face.

Desperate, or what!?

Dienstag, November 21, 2006

I did it again..

... I just booked some flights:

Dec 27th: Hamburg - Helsinki
in between - traveling from Helsinki to Malmö for a YSA convention called 'Bolliaden'
January 7th: Copenhagen - Frankfurt

I am excited!

Freitag, November 17, 2006

help! hair.

This is me nowThis is me in April
This is what I would like to have


But I can't decide! I wanted to let them grow again to shoulderlength but I always keep cutting them again cos I look so 'wellbehaved' with the longer ones..

What do you think? I need help.

Donnerstag, November 16, 2006

twisted twin sister

Everybody has parts of their body which she/he doesn't like (so much) and one of mine is my chin. I have a twin chin, also nown as 'the double chin'. It is still growing on me - literally.

As of late I have learned to really love myself. I learned that I was too selfcritical, something I am not when it comes to other people, only with myself. I am now able to acknowledge my strenghts, my features, to cherish them and to accept my weaknesses, to really feel all these things. Not just hear it when other people say nice things about me. I am content with myself, although as an ambitious woman I will always strive to accomplish more and to reach my potential.

But, I love myself. I even love my a little chubby tummy although I am working on to letting it go to neverneverland. I love what I have become, what I have learned and what I have achieved especially in the past 3,5 years. And I am happy about the assurance that I am able to achieve so much more.

This week I was listening to the new Damien Rice album '9', when all of a sudden I heard his song: 'The Animals Were Gone' where he sings about his love and how he loves her double chin. It made me think of the times when I was a little ashamed of my twin sisters and that it must be so unsexy for a guy..

Listen for yourself.

Woke up and for the first time the animals were gone
It's left this house empty now, not sure if I belong
Yesterday you asked me to write you a pleasant song
I'll do my best now, but you've been gone for so long

The window's open now and the winter settles in
We'll call it Christmas when the adverts begin
I love your depression and I love your double chin
I love 'most everything that you bring to this offering

Oh I know that I left you in places of despair
Oh I know that I love you, so please throw down your hair
At night I trip without you, and hope I don't wake up
'Cause waking up without you is like drinking from an empty cup

Woke up and for the first time the animals were gone
Our clocks are ticking now so before our time is gone
We could get a house and some boxes on the lawn
We could make babies and accidental songs

I know I've been a liar and I know I've been a fool
I hope we didn't break yet, but I'm glad we broke the rules
My cave is deep now, yet your light is shining through
I cover my eyes, still all I see is you

Oh I know that I left you in places of despair
Oh I know that I love you, so please throw down your hair
At night I trip without you, and hope I don't wake up
'Cause waking up without you is like drinking from an empty cup

Dienstag, November 07, 2006

I left my heart in Helsinki.

So, Meike and I flew to Helsinki (again for me, first time for Meike) with a very early flight. 6:50 am. If you know me you know that i am definintely not a morning person! I am more of the 'go to bed late, sleep in' person.

Anyway, this is the beginning of our trip.
Hei Helsinki!
again - so much forest.
..and water.
... and - SNOW!!
After we arrived the Vorimo's picked us up - the family I had stayed with at my last trip. We threw our suitcases in our rooms and headed for some shopping. First stop was a short visit to the temple - amazing place.

After some shopping and eating - eating is huge in Finnland. Because they have so many nice things to eat. Bread in all kinds, cheese, chocolate and LICORICE. Yummy. When the Prophet dedicated the Finnish temple he spoke at the gala night and said that the Finns have the best licorice. Seer and Revelator. And a man of truth. Amen.

Meike was tired from a busy week and decided to stay at home while I went to a Halloween Party in one of the Helsinki chapels. (Finnland has 5.000 members all in all and Helsinki has 3! wards..) Well, I didn't take a picture of myself but I was dressed as a 'Black Widow'. No, not the spider. An actual widow - all in black with tears rolling down my eyes.. I am not a huge fan of dressing up.. :)

My cousin Marit - the angel.
The party was fun, it was great to get to know more people in Helsinki, to rekindle some old friendships and to dance a little.

Saturday we went to the temple. This time inside. Although it looks like we were just outside for a photo session.
After the temple we met up with Kenneth and walked around the Vorimos place and a lake nearby. Breathtaking. Not because of the cold but because of the beauty. 'There is beauty all around...'
Meike - ready for mischief. I was trying to capture my red face but it didn't quite work. Just imagine it.. It was very cold but also so fresh outside. Awww. Sunday morning speaks for itself. After church we had lunch with my uncles family. Well, the smallest part of it.
Marit and I.
I was tired most of the trip, maybe because my body isn't used to all the fresh air because of the smog in Frankfurt or because it got dark around 4 already. Dunno.
I can't believe how talented my little cousin is. Not only that, she is also very smart and mature for her age.
After lunch we visited my grandma. The funny one with the 'gay-joke'. She is awesome!
So, the silliness runs in the family. And the 'blindness'.
Seriously. (or almost)
On our way home we stopped by at my aunts graveyard. A bit creepy to take a picture of a graveyard you think? Maybe, but it was Allhallows and it was beautifully lit with all the candles. And I wanted to show you how much snow had been falling again.

It was 6° Fahrenheit!
Monday Gretel and Meike were up to no good.
Do you remember this picture from my room at the Vormo's? It was taken 4 weeks ago.
Monday!
Yes, I love snow, it was exciting to see and feel so much snow.
After goofing around Meike and I decided to drive downtown to do some shopping and sightseeing..
We hoped the bus would still come. It did. This is not new for Finnland.

I have been in Finnland many times, also in Helsinki. But we always arrived in Helsinki with the ship and drove to my grandmother so I never really had the chance to see all the architectural beauty in Helsinki. No wonder even a band is called 'Architecture in Helsinki'.

After we walked around a bit we visited my oldest cousin Jose who is the assistant manager of a mexican restaurant. Very delicious food.
Next stop - harbour. Pictures of that later. This is the place around the cathedral.
And this IS the cathedral.
The harbour - how I love it. This is the old 'market hall' right at the harbour. Normally they also have a big market outside of it but not during winter. Although I guess it would be cheap for them. They wouldn't need a fridge for the fish as everything would just stay fresh in the cold temperatures. ;) The other end of the market hall.
Another thing I really love is taking a ship to Sweden or from Sweden to Finnland and sleeping in the cabin. There is something magical about it.

Good bye Helsinki. I love you. See you soon. 'Näkemiin!'